Pukey Monday

I will never forget this chemo Monday. I woke up not feeling out of sorts but pushed on. We got a late start to our day. Triston stayed home from school. He was feeling much better but I wanted to be sure he was fever free for 24 hours and he deserved his own lazy day without Grayson in his face.
He also got to spend time with Lula right before her surgery today. Oh, I guess I never wrote about that. I seriously can't remember the difference between what I think and blog and have executed in real life these days. We were told a couple of weeks ago she has lung cancer and today is the day the mass is being removed along with any other infected tissue. I can't begin to tell you how numb her news has made us feel here. I feel as though Charito was just "getting used to" our leukemia life and the idea we have sick guy and now this. I can closely imagine how he feels, only because of our Grayson. I dread the day I receive news one of my parents is not up to par.
But we move on. I would be lying if I told you we were fine. The stress has only multiplied. Fears as well. Anxieties higher than they have been for me. We now have the stressor of finding child care for a 6 mos old and a child with cancer. Not easy. She will most likely be recovering for the next 4-6 weeks. I KNOW how lucky we have been for several yrs now to have their grandmother care for them and come to our home. It has been even more appreciated and necessary since Grayson's diagnosis and my return to work. We are blessed in that respect. But not only are we scared for her, we are scared for what it means for our family of 5. Our kids are very close to her. For now Triston was told she has black spots in her lungs that need to be removed. I told him she will need surgery. He responded by letting me know "it must be bacteria". I told him it was kind of like that. I explained that with the surgery they have to cut her. We may not see her for several weeks. I could tell his wheels were spinning. He then said to me, "And after the surgery she will need chemotherapy." I told him we are not sure yet. I did not mention the word cancer to him. Just that her lungs were sick. He relates cancer to chemotherapy and medicines and Grayson (that is what his cancer world is) and if she does need chemo or radiation then we will tell him its a cancer like G's but in her lungs not her blood. One thing at a time for now.
We are just taking it one day at a time. Many days we do not have a babysitter, but luckily Charito's boss is allowing him to work a later shift in the day. On those days he would be home with Caden n Grayson and once I get home he will head to work. Should be interesting on our not-so-routine lives thus far. This lack of normalcy is taking its toll on us REALLY fast. I really don't care for anymore negative surprises in the near future.
And then there was yesterday. Yesterday was a doozie. As I said I wasn't feeling my best. G was surprisingly in a great mood seeing as he couldn't eat or drink in prep for another spinal injection and tap. He whined for food once we arrived to clinic but was easily distracted. I picked up some soup at the bakery thinking I just needed to get something in me to feel better. Curb that nausea. But after several hours of convincing myself I did not have to vomit I finally had to give in. I left in the middle of his spinal to run to the bathroom. I felt better afterward (don't we all?) but it was shortlived. We intended to head upstairs for a transfusion. Hemoglobin was 6.8. It held slightly above 8 all of January and finally sank. It was only going to drop after the chemo that was just put into him. He survived his spinal without me, thanks to a great team. We made it thru admissions and into our PEDS room just in time for me to throw up again. I was miserable. Then within 30 minutes G started vomiting. This went on for the next 2 hours before he literally fell asleep from exhaustion. He could not keep anything down, even though he has attempted to drink some milk and eat some crackers following the spinal.
By now it was 3 pm, he was asleep and had nothing in his belly since 8 pm the night before. We had a familiar nurse-Christy, who called down to Princess Jennie to doublecheck if G had had Zofran before his procedures. No, it was overlooked in thought that he would be okay without it. No wonder why he was vomiting. Everything but the administration of the AraC was a typical Monday, in which he can usually handle without Zofran. But the addition of AraC (he usually gets this at night through his IV and port with a dose of Zofran at home but bc I knew we would be home late after the blood transfusion I told clinic to take care of it then), lack of food n drink for over 12 hours, morphine n Versed did him in. No one's fault, just a snowball effect for him . It is just hard to watch. He was so miserable. I haven't seen him like that in mos. I should have read the signs (had I not been ill myself) -when he only took sips and little bites. Usually as soon as he is given the green light to eat he chows down. He did alot of licking his food or smelling it instead of eating. He was nauseaous and I missed it. But I am so glad we confirmed it was the lack of Zofran that led to his vomiting. We could say it was chemo-related and not whatever I was suffering from. That would have been a whole different mess.
He slept til 5 and was ready to eat and drink and he did plenty of that. Especially since we were able to slip some Zofran in him while he was sleeping. As long as he drank we would not have to stay longer for fluids. At this point we were not looking at getting out of there til after 8 pm. The transfusion took its usual 4 hours. He drank sprite, ate rice, blueberries and popcorn and watched plenty of Thomas. I was fine as long as I didn't move and stayed in bed with him, otherwise I wanted to vomit.
I got him to pee by 8 and we were outta there. And right before we were about to leave Nurse Shell came in. G and she exchanged hugs and giggles. It was a nice way to end a rough day. He was so tired but in a much better mood. I was simply exhausted. As the day went on the chills and body aches crept. I survived on no nap, sprite and saltines all day. I had no appetite. Each fast food sign we passed on the way home made me even sicker with thought. I just wanted to get home, administer the rest of G's meds, hug my other boys, shower and pass out.
I slept horribly last night. I kept having nightmares. Fears of one of my boys waking in vomit mode. So far all of them are ok. T is off to school. G is eating and drinking and playing trains (whats new?) and Caden is toughing through a cold right now. He woke pretty congested but in good spirits. I am yucky. Only way to explain it. A nap is in the works in an hour or so.