Thursday, Aug 5

The only reason I have gotten this much blogging done in one day is bc G has done nothing but lie on the couch all day. SOOOO not feeling well.

I spent Wedesday nite in Roselle again. Charito and his mom were at the hospital overnite. I wish I could say I was getting back to Roselle in time for a fam dinner but no (like the good old times). Often reports were given to us round 7 pm -ish and I wanted to be there to hear them, especially the game plans for following days. I would typically arrive in Roselle about 9 ish. They would hold some dinner for me on the stove. But I really didnt care about eating. I wanted to see my boys. By this day I was so fearful Caden didnt know who I was. I had only had 5 days with him at home before all this came crashing down on us. I received great reports from my mom and Amy about how lucky we were-"we had another good baby!" That was a pleasure to hear. But I wished I was the one with that observation myself. I had to hear from others. Apparently he was a good eater and good sleeper. They were only waking once in the mid of nite to feed him and of course like my other boys-an early riser.

Today C had his 2nd newborn aptmt to track weight gain. My mom, T, C and I headed to the hospital in the am and I called Belmonte's office when I arrived to say Id be down in about an hour. I wrote out a bunch of notes re: his eating n sleeping habits, number of stool n urine diapers, my mother's observation of how he already leaning and hanging out on his side. I was prepared bc he mentioned our visit could be as easy as having the nurse weigh him and Belmonte would call me or come upstairs if he had concerns. After all, he knew our "new address" 2 floors up, as he joked earlier in the week.

I decided I wanted to walk down to C's aptmt for a change of pace. Even a different view of the hospital. Familiarity. An office I enjoyed going to, not one I was dumped and left to fend for myself in. One with such question marks all around it.

Gramma, C, T and I arrived with tons of yummies. Auntie Mimi (Amy) hooked G up w a genuine football dispenser of MnMs. He loved it. It became more of a game than actual consumption but hey!

Playing w the dolls that have ports like me!

While my mom and I headed to Caden's aptmt, T and G n daddy watched Thomas and ate MnMs. I was taken into a room for C right away. The nurse weighed him and I handed over my "report card". I was getting ready to pack up when there was a lil (very recognizable) knock on the door. In walked Belmonte. You can guess I grinned from ear to ear. He exclaimed, "Of course I was coming into see you. I was actually about to head upstairs and check on you but then my nurse let me know you were here." He gave C the look over and declared him a A-OK once again. He asked about G and mentioned his numbers for the day. I didnt even know them yet. He obviously had been checking up on him daily. He said his WBC at a 12. HUH? 12, 000!!! We went from 58 to 12 in one nite. This still baffles me how this works. Absolutely amazing. Of course w good news always comes the mix up of other blood numbers and side effects. We gave our thx and proceeded back upstairs. Belmonte told me once again if we needed anything to give him a call. He even extended my next visit for C. I knew it should have been at his 3 wk mark but he told me to see him again at 6 wks. He understood what my next few weeks would be like, a better picture than I of course.

When we arrived back at the room the bros were hanging out together. I suggested some daddy n T time. They went upstairs to the cafeteria for some grub. I started thinking how T should become familiar w the perks of the hospital just like us. Who knew how many visits and treatments he would partake in...it was best to start now. T returned with the "biggest piece of pizza in the whole wide universe" and chowed down. Then my mom and I had our turn. We returned w tons of sweets for T n G. I wanted it to feel like a special lunch no matter where we were. Memorable to me at least. And C, well he did what he does best-slept thru it all. There was something about that hospital air that knocked that kid out. He would take his 3-4 hr nap during those visits. So sweet.

A few hours later Charito walked T, C and Gramma down to the car to go back to Roselle. I told her I would catch up with them there later. T approached me before he left and asked if "I promised I was coming to Roselle." I told him "I promise, I will be there before you go to bed "(which wasnt hard bc he was partying it up til midnite almost every nite). Passed out my kisses and crawled into bed w G for a nap.

Pretty soon Dr. Goodell came in. This was Dr. Kwon's partner, the first time we had met him this week bc he had been on vacation. He was def the opposite end of the spectrum when it came to presentation and delivery. I asked the kind of questions that I wanted clarification on. What is this, why is that, what does it mean? He began by assuring me that there is nothing we could have done, avoided, prevented or not exposed him to in the past that caused this. He wishes he could say how and why it got Grayson but he couldnt. They just dont know the cause and they why behind it. But with it being 2010 they know the attack plan and very well. It was not genetic. We just needed to roll w the punches. He also explained that here we have "sick blood in a boy's body that is similar to a clogged kitchen sink. The chemo is like dumping a whole bunch of garbage/poison down those pipes to clear it up. It's gonna quirk the system and need it's own remedy to fix that. This is why we have so many different specialists on hand watching all of Grayson's functioning systems. And with good numbers comes bad numbers w remedies to fix those issues. A constant battle." He continued to explain that we will see him have good days like his old self and days he won't be able to get out of bed. Without a tough road ahead but with so many people behind him to get through it. I liked him alot. He helped make further sense of things as we continued our conversation for over an hour. Yes, Kwon was the science guy and Goodell was the one whom easily broke it down for you like you just ran into him at a bar over drinks. Cool and calm. At least now I could put a face to the name.

Later that evening Auntie Maria and Uncle Kevin visited us. They brought the gold...goldfish that is. G ate them up like crazy. First real meal of the day. We had some laughs and yummy Portillos. It was nice to have company again as long G was feeling ok. He still had not puked or anything else I was expecting. Again the docs told us how well he was doing before signing off for the nite. I guess it's all relative.

My further good news of the day-when I reached Roselle and had a late nite cup of tea with my mom she shared that she would be staying a whole additional week. I cannot express here what that did to me. I balled. It was the question creeping in my head all week-when were they going to go back to Arkansas? Do I dare ask them to stay awhile? I didnt know how. I felt like a lil girl again asking to go out on a school nite. I didnt want to impose them financial or any other way. I knew our few visits throughout the yr were tough to begin with. I ran to her and hugged her and made sure to hug my dad the next morning. I don't care that I am 31 years old-I still need my mommy and daddy.