I started the car this morning and was immediately grasped by the story airing right then. If I had remembered it was airing today I would not have turned the radio on. . It was the tail end of the narrative about a little boy named Jack (have always loved that name). I listened in on the happy voices portraying how well he is doing today. A little guy diagnosed with leukemia at age 2. Now he is 6 and playing his first soccer game tomorrow. As the next story began I sobbed.
I KNOW we are in for a happy ending. I truly know that deep down. But listening this morning set my mood deeper. It was not until I contacted Charito that I was able to calm down. I cried on the way to work and then had to leave my classroom minutes before the kids walked in to cry some more. I just had to hear Grayson's voice, Triston's voice and Caden's laughter.
The intial sobs came from that place of disbelief I rarely need to visit. This is us. We are one of these families. My body truly ached just thinking about it. I flashed back to that parking lot and a 6 mos old Triston. It set my tone for the whole day. I tried not to let it but there was no controlling it. As I said in recent posts, I am already feeling disconnected, detached from myself and where and what I should be doing lately. Depression? Rut? Simple mood shift? And as was said many times over the cast today, you never think it is going to be you. Your family. Your darkest fears. Your time to dig deeper than you ever have to find the faith and courage to move forward. No parent should have to go there.
But as the day ends I know now I was meant to listen and I still am as I write this. It is on in the living room as the older boys play in the basement. Once I was able to contact Charito he filled me in on the rest of that beautiful boy Jack's story. He told me his family created a necklace consisting of beads that stood for any procedure Jack had to endure. This necklace was filled with beads. To compare that to what G has been through thus far put things into perspective. A perspective I am very much aware of almost all of the time but these past few weeks been ignorant of, perhaps. We are lucky. Grayson is lucky. He is doing phenomenally well all things considered. And he will continue to. I am sure there were plenty of families that had to share stories of loss on the cast today. That is not us. I am so grateful to have what I have. Sometimes no matter how hard a beautiful, innocent child fought, the illness conquered. The disease left that mommy and daddy's arms empty.
I needed that reminder today. A coworker approached me near the end of the work day, told me she intended to catch me earlier, and gave me a hug bc I had been on her mind since she listened to the cast this morning. I welcomed that hug. I was reminded that we have so many people who care, worry, pray and push right along with us. So, thank you all. I will continue to pray for those families I am hearing about right now and those I will continue to meet along our cancer path. They are suffering and fighting like us and hope to be pain free one day.All of you out there help me each day and I appreciate you and your presence in our lives. I wish you a blessed, safe, and healthy weekend. Hug your loved ones extra tight ( I sure did as I arrived home and heard my Grayson repeat his daily phrase, "thank you for coming home, mommy. Thank you for bringing Tiston!") tonight and know that I am thinking of you, too.
I am sure you feel so alone most of the time, because most of us really don't know what you're going through first-hand. We can only imagine and pray it never has to be us. Listening to those stories on the radio had me bawling today too, and realizing just how many people are in your boat...or even worse, in a boat that is sinking. Grayson is one amazing kid and you are one strong family. Stay strong. Stay positive. And know you'll always have friends and family to fall back on when you can't.
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