Our own lil superhero!
Dick Grayson ain't got nothin' on the G-man. Our lil fighter since in utero-a young, fiesty fireball...never giving up! Just watch me!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
My clown
G has been feeling really great lately! No big plans on this Saturday other than participating in the "little things" like Target as a whole family. G thought this was pretty amusing today as we finally made it toward checkout ( I swear them kids wiggle something out of us in that damn toy aisle almost every time! At least they understand their numerals and today we explained it had to be under $5!). I laughed out loud, literally, as that boy has never seen them that big in our home! I snapped the pic right away. I love his sense of humor. He ran to them, called to me and yelled "Hey, mom look at these. They're funny!" Ha! His head is as big as one of the cups!
Yes, buddy, yes they are-especially when your mama cannot speak from experience!
I swear , when they get older one of them is undoubtedly going to ask "How the hell did you feed us with those?!"
I swear , when they get older one of them is undoubtedly going to ask "How the hell did you feed us with those?!"
Friday, March 30, 2012
More March hospital stay pics
fishing for dolphins (yup, he caught mama a dolphin!)
Loosening the cancer leash
A few days ago Grayson had his first playdate AWAY from home! This picture says it all. That pretty little girl is M and she is the sweetest, most well-behaved little girl. Grayson sees her often when we pick up Triston from school. She is the sib of one of Ts classmates. After a few discussions over a yr ago with M's parents we realized T and M's bro were in the same baby classes at Gymboree at 1 yrs old. Small world. I knew they looked familiar when we first entered prek. Go to find out we have tons in common and they are absolutely the best family to get to know. You know the type of fellow mom you don't have to think of things to talk about bc the conversations just flow right into each other? That is the kind of friend I have in Ms mom. And to boot-M and G will be in the same class next year! G adores her and asks me everyday if he can go back to her house. And from what I hear the feeling is mutual.
Leaving him at their home was not as hard as I thought it would be.It was actually a bit surreal. But with baby steps we are slowly preparing ourselves for our "fragile one" to be apart from us for school in the fall. I completely trust Ms mom. She is as detail-oriented, worry wart and watchful as I am and she gets me and Gs needs. She kept me up to date w texts while Caden and I had our own alone time. I couldnt have asked for a better situation!
There are so many more play dates in their future! How lucky is G?!
And while G and M played Caden and I spent some time together.
I fixed myself up with some Starbux and grocery shopped in slow motion. Not my typical run in and out pace that I have become so used to these days. I shopped like the days when it was just baby Triston in the cart. Pointing out all the learning opportunities a grocery store has to offer. Caden does not get much of this and I loved that we could take advantage of it. By the way, I have such a sweet obervant boy!
It was a wonderful day! Thank you, Ms mom! Especially for putting me at ease!
Wishes
I won't lie. I have been in a nasty funk for a while now. March's hospital visits did not help one bit!
It's just that in so many ways I see other people's lives moving forward in positive and exciting directions ( and I am very happy for them bc they SO deserve it) and we feel stagnant all too often. My usual disclaimer hasnt changed....I still cherish every moment I have w my boys and I know there are families suffering harsher paths than us but some days (or months) are harder than others for me. To each his own.
I have 3 big wishes:
1. A cure for cancer. Not much to ask in my opinion!
2. To be a stay at home mom one day. This IS the best thing I am good at. And as the years pass by I dislike my job more and more. The many hats I wear is wearing me down. Some days that Superwoman feeling doesn't even hit surface and I am just angry at the world for all that I had to accomplish in one day. Other days I amaze even myself. Ironic, huh, how there are moms out there who would give anything to work instead of being home?! We all have our niche. But in the big picture I do know that my job is a means to end as C says.We wouldn't have what we do or be able to enroll the kids in the "extras" without my job. AND thanks to number one I NEED to work for the insurance to get us through the countless years of cancer maintenance ahead. The other need to work leads to number 3!
3. A bigger home. A home that signifies a new chapter, new beginning in our life. Putting the rollercoaster past behind us. A cause for excitement for the kids as well as C and I. A play room for the kids, my own creation studio, space to be all around and not on top of each other. Again, I know there are people who JUST want a home instead of a condo or apt. We all have our wish lists dont we?
But until then I finally had the time to do some sprucing up to improve my mood of our current home (thank you Spring Break!). Not to mention a few crafts the for the kids and I. Who doesnt love Michaels craft store!
Whenever I see a home I like on the exterior I picture that episode from Jon and Kate plus 8 where they moved into that overly expansive home and the first time the kids see it they run around like with excitement like its an amusement park. I want that overflowing feeling for my kids and even C and I. That, this is gonna be great, feeling. One day.
Until then....spring break allowed me to accomplish a few things. Crazy how I was a true beast the week leading up to it. I know I yelled from the time we got home from school and the time they went to bed. I just couldnt control my stress. I took it out on the wrong people. I was feeling so deflated that week.
But WOW what a break will do. Saturday the first day of break I spent cleaning all day. I finally got around to hiring a cleaning lady to help me out. She tackled the ugly stuff while I dusted and organized. 12 hours later the house was cleaner than it has been in 3 mos. By Sunday morning I started it out right.Yoga, crafts and lists of things I have been meaning to get to. By Monday I had already accomplished so much! The rest of my days so far have been play dates and snuggles.
But I made the time to spruce up the home we do have and enjoy myself in the little things.
This wall project has been in my head for over two yrs when my mom bought me the overpriced wall paper at a steal (gotta love target employee discounts).
BEFORE:
This has been above our bed since we moved in.
I took the wallpaper and covered blank canvases. These are so cheap from Michaels and love how versatile they are. I have even given the kids blank ones to use as free expression and produce our own gallery art pieces. Luv it.
Then I found this rub-on quote months ago and fell in love.
Real Love Stories never have endings.
I stood in the middle of the aisle reading it and almost cried. At a time when things were once again stressful I was reminded of the center of my calm. My hubby. Our love brought us here and will keep us here, going at it as long as God intends. And for me that is forever.
The blue canvases looked better against my green walls anyway!
I placed the hot glue gun on each egg and they put them on the wreath. The flowery garden didnt seem to be enuf for me so I added lilac ribbon. They love that they helped and it really pops on the doorway!
It's just that in so many ways I see other people's lives moving forward in positive and exciting directions ( and I am very happy for them bc they SO deserve it) and we feel stagnant all too often. My usual disclaimer hasnt changed....I still cherish every moment I have w my boys and I know there are families suffering harsher paths than us but some days (or months) are harder than others for me. To each his own.
I have 3 big wishes:
1. A cure for cancer. Not much to ask in my opinion!
- Childhood cancer is the number one disease killer in children.
- There are 15 children diagnosed with cancer for every one child diagnosed with pediatric AIDS. Yet, the U.S. invests approximately $595,000 for research per victim of pediatric AIDS and only $20,000 for each victim of childhood cancer.
- The National Cancer Institute's (NCI) federal budget was $4.6 billion. Of that, breast cancer received 12%, prostate cancer received 7%, and all 12 major groups of pediatric cancers combined received less than 3%.
- The American Cancer spends less than 70 cents of each 100 dollars raised on childhood cancer.
- Cancer kills more children than any other disease, more than Asthma, Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes and Pediatric AIDS combined.
- Sadly, over 2,300 children with cancer die each year.
- Every school day 46 children are diagnosed.
- 1 in 330 children will have the disease by age 20.
- Cancers in very young children are highly aggressive and behave unlike malignant diseases at other times in life.
2. To be a stay at home mom one day. This IS the best thing I am good at. And as the years pass by I dislike my job more and more. The many hats I wear is wearing me down. Some days that Superwoman feeling doesn't even hit surface and I am just angry at the world for all that I had to accomplish in one day. Other days I amaze even myself. Ironic, huh, how there are moms out there who would give anything to work instead of being home?! We all have our niche. But in the big picture I do know that my job is a means to end as C says.We wouldn't have what we do or be able to enroll the kids in the "extras" without my job. AND thanks to number one I NEED to work for the insurance to get us through the countless years of cancer maintenance ahead. The other need to work leads to number 3!
3. A bigger home. A home that signifies a new chapter, new beginning in our life. Putting the rollercoaster past behind us. A cause for excitement for the kids as well as C and I. A play room for the kids, my own creation studio, space to be all around and not on top of each other. Again, I know there are people who JUST want a home instead of a condo or apt. We all have our wish lists dont we?
But until then I finally had the time to do some sprucing up to improve my mood of our current home (thank you Spring Break!). Not to mention a few crafts the for the kids and I. Who doesnt love Michaels craft store!
Whenever I see a home I like on the exterior I picture that episode from Jon and Kate plus 8 where they moved into that overly expansive home and the first time the kids see it they run around like with excitement like its an amusement park. I want that overflowing feeling for my kids and even C and I. That, this is gonna be great, feeling. One day.
Until then....spring break allowed me to accomplish a few things. Crazy how I was a true beast the week leading up to it. I know I yelled from the time we got home from school and the time they went to bed. I just couldnt control my stress. I took it out on the wrong people. I was feeling so deflated that week.
But WOW what a break will do. Saturday the first day of break I spent cleaning all day. I finally got around to hiring a cleaning lady to help me out. She tackled the ugly stuff while I dusted and organized. 12 hours later the house was cleaner than it has been in 3 mos. By Sunday morning I started it out right.Yoga, crafts and lists of things I have been meaning to get to. By Monday I had already accomplished so much! The rest of my days so far have been play dates and snuggles.
But I made the time to spruce up the home we do have and enjoy myself in the little things.
This wall project has been in my head for over two yrs when my mom bought me the overpriced wall paper at a steal (gotta love target employee discounts).
BEFORE:
I took the wallpaper and covered blank canvases. These are so cheap from Michaels and love how versatile they are. I have even given the kids blank ones to use as free expression and produce our own gallery art pieces. Luv it.
Then I found this rub-on quote months ago and fell in love.
Real Love Stories never have endings.
I stood in the middle of the aisle reading it and almost cried. At a time when things were once again stressful I was reminded of the center of my calm. My hubby. Our love brought us here and will keep us here, going at it as long as God intends. And for me that is forever.
My little helper
But when the blue wallpapered canvases faded into the wall I needed another plan. Once again the center came to my mind-our love brought us our kiddos. Who doesnt like going to bed with a reminder of those beautiful faces created by only you?!
The 3 kids got into some of the art using their fingerprints to create cherry blossom trees. Triston wanted to add Japanese characters to it so he looked up the meaning for peace and future and drew them on.
Then we snuck in one more craft for the kids. I have been wanting a seasonal wreath for awhile now and finally did it.
Truffala tree
Rainbow art ( G called it his rollercoaster of rainbows)
The rest of my break I intend to do some more blogging, relax, shop, yoga, spa day, hair day, some time with family and be a better mom in a better mood. I will eventually get to the homework in my work bag....
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
March AGAIN update
PCR came back negative. Cultures inconclusive at this time. Appears to be a virus strain he was hit with. But he is all better. Dont know what counts are yet. Going home today sometime. Still unsure of discharge directions.
But last night was typical cabin fever G when he is feeling better and napped for a long time during the day and becomes so overtired at night. One minute we are bantering over no TV bc he was screaming at me to play a loud game at midnight and the next hes crying to cuddle with him and have a snack. So we cuddled and at goldfish and salad and said "cheers" with our styrofoam cups of cherry pepsi. Then he nestled in my arms and kept telling me that I am 'the best mom I ever have' and how much he loves me. That kid gets me every time!!!
Caden has been busy wreaking havoc on the house. Doing some potty while I was gone which I love. Climbing on the dining room table to get M&Ms. Refusing to stay in his crib unless he absolutely exhausted. Cant wait to see what I come home to!
T is home from school again today. I just wanted one more day for him so that he didnt infect anyone. Hes had no symotoms since Sunday. But he did break my heart a bit last night. He called me near midnight crying. He had a nightmare that I was in a battle of some sort and instead of finishing or after the battle (hard to hear him) I went far away. I assured him that I was so close to him and reminded him of our route to the hospital and how close it is. I told him how wonderful it is we get to do facetime on the phone, share pics and texts and talk. He calmed down. But it was clear the dream portrayed how much he is missing me. I cant wait to see that boy today and give him a tight squeeze lasting up to five minutes or more and hand him a shamrock shake. We have been seeing the "I love you, I hate you" commercial for weeks now and havent indulged yet. I hope we get out of here early enough to get most of the day w my boys before I have to prep for work mode returning tomorrow.
Ugh. I hate this.
But last night was typical cabin fever G when he is feeling better and napped for a long time during the day and becomes so overtired at night. One minute we are bantering over no TV bc he was screaming at me to play a loud game at midnight and the next hes crying to cuddle with him and have a snack. So we cuddled and at goldfish and salad and said "cheers" with our styrofoam cups of cherry pepsi. Then he nestled in my arms and kept telling me that I am 'the best mom I ever have' and how much he loves me. That kid gets me every time!!!
Caden has been busy wreaking havoc on the house. Doing some potty while I was gone which I love. Climbing on the dining room table to get M&Ms. Refusing to stay in his crib unless he absolutely exhausted. Cant wait to see what I come home to!
T is home from school again today. I just wanted one more day for him so that he didnt infect anyone. Hes had no symotoms since Sunday. But he did break my heart a bit last night. He called me near midnight crying. He had a nightmare that I was in a battle of some sort and instead of finishing or after the battle (hard to hear him) I went far away. I assured him that I was so close to him and reminded him of our route to the hospital and how close it is. I told him how wonderful it is we get to do facetime on the phone, share pics and texts and talk. He calmed down. But it was clear the dream portrayed how much he is missing me. I cant wait to see that boy today and give him a tight squeeze lasting up to five minutes or more and hand him a shamrock shake. We have been seeing the "I love you, I hate you" commercial for weeks now and havent indulged yet. I hope we get out of here early enough to get most of the day w my boys before I have to prep for work mode returning tomorrow.
Ugh. I hate this.
Monday, March 12, 2012
March AGAIN
Not much to say and I am not in the best of moods so this will be short and sweet (ok more like crabby):
Previous posts explained how we came home Saturday, March 3 and went back Monday, March 5 for count check and Caden's aptmt (ear infection confirmed) and my aptmt for fear of walking pneumonia (only resp virus, ha! only?!). G still had his gunky cough that day and ANC was dropped to 0. Disappointing.
Tuesday -Friday lunchtime G was great! Cough was practically non-existent and he was in a great mood w all the normal food and waste perimeters going on. Loved it and I was feeling like we were kicking this virus for good but still his ANC didnt match up.
Friday we had to go into clinic for count check to see if that ANC was climbing. I rushed out of work at 1:30, got T early from school, grabbed G n C from home and still made it to clinic in time. From the time I grabbed G and we arrived to clinic he did not seem himself. Total 360 from the checklist of questions I bombard my motherinlaw with when it is my turn to take over after work. He just lied there all limp in clinic. Surprisingly counts were great. ANC 1, 300 and all others up and hanging tight. But his mood concerned even Dr Dell. He worked every angle to get a smile out of that kid. T and C appreciated his efforts more than G did. I explained that this is how he acts right before we are faced w a fever at home. We left w good counts and instructions to keep an eye on him and call w any concerns.
By that evening at 7 pm he had a fever. At 4 am he had a 20 min coughing fit following some concerning breathing patterns while he slept. Saturday his fever peaked at 39.6 and teetered around the whole day. We ordered dinner knowing that in a few hours we would be instructed to bring him in. We called right after dinner so that we could at least enjoy a meal together before we were separated again. I was in the ER w G by 9 pm. He barely ate, drank or left the couch all day. It was inevitable. I was so glad we saw Dell the day before so he could see what his "brewing" behavior looks like.
We did the usuals- PCR, CBC, cultures, tylenol, pump syringe of cefapime and a new one Tamiflu. He presented w flu like symptoms upon arrival so they took that route (shakes, chills, sensitivity to touch). Cefapime is being administered at 2 and 10 pm, and 6 am. Tamiflu every 12 hours. Until we have the culture results and PCR we are treating it as a flu. Ironically hours after we were admitted (around 1 am) daddy texted me to say T woke w chills and a fever. Why not?! I was afraid something wasnt right when I talked to him about why G and I were headed out again. He was understanding as usual but kinda moaning while he lied there. I wasnt sure if he was starting to not feel well or fighting back tears upon my absence. I held back my tears and got into mommy warrior mode to get G to ER. He is home from school today.
G has been fever free since Sunday morning.Mood varies. Eating ok but wish it was better. Drinking poorly but is on fluids at least. We may decrease his fluids soon in order to see if his urine is holding steady on its own. Still dont have labs back so we wait. That will predict if we go home on intravenous antibiotics or what.
in other drama-
Since Wednesday Caden figured out how to climb out of his crib. He is so stealth about it too. We joke and call him ninja. T n G never did this. Makes me a wreck. So now my baby that has put himself to sleep n slept thru the nite at weeks old by simple dumping him in his crib no longer exists. Since then he does not nap unless he is completely exhausted enough to skip the fight. This also means the second nap of the day is being avoided by HIM. It is such a game he has created. We were going to switch him to the big boy bed Saturday but realized we were headed to ER w G so it was not worth trying a new transition w out mommy there to lay the law and testing daddys patience.So we wait til this weekend I guess. Nonetheless since G and I have arrived he is driving them nuts with this new stage. He insists on independence and I love that about him. He has two bros which means twice the motivation to do it all and he has completely hit the fast forward button on me. He also added the ability to indicate his need to pee, set up his seat and go all on his own this past Wed-Saturday. It was his lead and my follow. So much so that he refused to wear a diaper and the only compromise I could come up w (since he is not 100% yet) was a Pullup. The novelty of it won him over. While G and I are here I know for sure none of this progress is presenting itself at home and that is ok. One less thing for Mamac and daddy to worry about. I will pick up where we left off soon enough. Either way it is changes for the good and craziness that we are VERY familiar with. It would have been nice for Caden to wait til spring break or summer so we could get some sleep while adjusting to it all but oh well. Hes got bros to impress I guess!
keep you posted about G later
Previous posts explained how we came home Saturday, March 3 and went back Monday, March 5 for count check and Caden's aptmt (ear infection confirmed) and my aptmt for fear of walking pneumonia (only resp virus, ha! only?!). G still had his gunky cough that day and ANC was dropped to 0. Disappointing.
Tuesday -Friday lunchtime G was great! Cough was practically non-existent and he was in a great mood w all the normal food and waste perimeters going on. Loved it and I was feeling like we were kicking this virus for good but still his ANC didnt match up.
Friday we had to go into clinic for count check to see if that ANC was climbing. I rushed out of work at 1:30, got T early from school, grabbed G n C from home and still made it to clinic in time. From the time I grabbed G and we arrived to clinic he did not seem himself. Total 360 from the checklist of questions I bombard my motherinlaw with when it is my turn to take over after work. He just lied there all limp in clinic. Surprisingly counts were great. ANC 1, 300 and all others up and hanging tight. But his mood concerned even Dr Dell. He worked every angle to get a smile out of that kid. T and C appreciated his efforts more than G did. I explained that this is how he acts right before we are faced w a fever at home. We left w good counts and instructions to keep an eye on him and call w any concerns.
By that evening at 7 pm he had a fever. At 4 am he had a 20 min coughing fit following some concerning breathing patterns while he slept. Saturday his fever peaked at 39.6 and teetered around the whole day. We ordered dinner knowing that in a few hours we would be instructed to bring him in. We called right after dinner so that we could at least enjoy a meal together before we were separated again. I was in the ER w G by 9 pm. He barely ate, drank or left the couch all day. It was inevitable. I was so glad we saw Dell the day before so he could see what his "brewing" behavior looks like.
We did the usuals- PCR, CBC, cultures, tylenol, pump syringe of cefapime and a new one Tamiflu. He presented w flu like symptoms upon arrival so they took that route (shakes, chills, sensitivity to touch). Cefapime is being administered at 2 and 10 pm, and 6 am. Tamiflu every 12 hours. Until we have the culture results and PCR we are treating it as a flu. Ironically hours after we were admitted (around 1 am) daddy texted me to say T woke w chills and a fever. Why not?! I was afraid something wasnt right when I talked to him about why G and I were headed out again. He was understanding as usual but kinda moaning while he lied there. I wasnt sure if he was starting to not feel well or fighting back tears upon my absence. I held back my tears and got into mommy warrior mode to get G to ER. He is home from school today.
G has been fever free since Sunday morning.Mood varies. Eating ok but wish it was better. Drinking poorly but is on fluids at least. We may decrease his fluids soon in order to see if his urine is holding steady on its own. Still dont have labs back so we wait. That will predict if we go home on intravenous antibiotics or what.
in other drama-
Since Wednesday Caden figured out how to climb out of his crib. He is so stealth about it too. We joke and call him ninja. T n G never did this. Makes me a wreck. So now my baby that has put himself to sleep n slept thru the nite at weeks old by simple dumping him in his crib no longer exists. Since then he does not nap unless he is completely exhausted enough to skip the fight. This also means the second nap of the day is being avoided by HIM. It is such a game he has created. We were going to switch him to the big boy bed Saturday but realized we were headed to ER w G so it was not worth trying a new transition w out mommy there to lay the law and testing daddys patience.So we wait til this weekend I guess. Nonetheless since G and I have arrived he is driving them nuts with this new stage. He insists on independence and I love that about him. He has two bros which means twice the motivation to do it all and he has completely hit the fast forward button on me. He also added the ability to indicate his need to pee, set up his seat and go all on his own this past Wed-Saturday. It was his lead and my follow. So much so that he refused to wear a diaper and the only compromise I could come up w (since he is not 100% yet) was a Pullup. The novelty of it won him over. While G and I are here I know for sure none of this progress is presenting itself at home and that is ok. One less thing for Mamac and daddy to worry about. I will pick up where we left off soon enough. Either way it is changes for the good and craziness that we are VERY familiar with. It would have been nice for Caden to wait til spring break or summer so we could get some sleep while adjusting to it all but oh well. Hes got bros to impress I guess!
keep you posted about G later
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