September 20-23 Monday thru Thursday

Another good treatment day. Of course it started out rough as usual bc of the absence of food or drink in preparation of the spinal, but as soon as I mentioned Jenny's name and allowed him to bring the ENTIRE bag of raisins and the specific plate he wanted we were good to go. Can you tell how hungry he was when we HAVE to leave the house w those items?! He would not let them go in the van. He didn't even mention Mcds on the way. Shocking!

Good numbers. A bit of a surprise tho-I thought for sure he would need platelets seeing as that cough was miserable Sunday morning. We thought for sure at least that number and his neutrophils would have dropped when you take into consideration fighting a cold for over a week (a chemo drug induced cold but a cold nonetheless). Both numbers fine.

Hgb: 8.4 as opposed to 9.1 last week (they like it over 8. Will he need a transfusion next week then?) Again the game we play!
Platelets: 117 as opposed to 194 last week
ANC/neutrophils: 1, 130 as opposed to 1, 200 last week

He weighed 19.4 last week and clocked in at 19.2 this week.

Overall, everyone was pleased.



Triston was home again with that wicked cough. No fever since Sunday. We just had to make sure the virus stayed w him and did not branch to G or C or even Charito n I.



We were also told we could use his asthma med when it appeared he was wheezing at all. Kinda hard to tell when his throat always seems irritated and his voice sensitive at times from all the screaming he does (happy or mad screams). But at least its another preventive measure from pneumonia which he is very susceptible to.



I am happy to report that I made it home vomit free! I made no stops this time! During that half hour he needs to lie on his side immediately following the spinal I gave him those raisins that ruined his morning. He also ate some sunchips and drank some milk, I wanted something in that belly before we left. And it was so nice to leave on a Monday WITHOUT his port in access mode. G even said to me as I buckled him in his car seat, "Mommy, no tubies!" I replied w a smile "Yup, honey. No tubies today. Only port." It was too funny. How young but aware he is. He is taking it all in and that memory of his has not wavered in the least.



He also nibbled on some odd foods that day. He asked for bread. I questioned whether he wanted toast or a sandwich. He made it clear (LOUD and clear) it was to only be a slice of bread. And then I watched him walk away munching on a whole slice of wheat bread. Odd to me but maybe no one else?



Tuesday

These have become habitual lazy days, I dont like to go far in case chemo catches up w us the day after treatment. I take care of laundry, prep meals and snacks for the week and attempt to clean house. It truly has been the least of my worries. Just take a step inside and you can see for yourself. I primarily take care of dusting and swiffering to rid the areas G mostly hangs out in of those airborne germs that can harm him, particularly when he is already suffering from a cold. I just have to do it in shifts. Clean the main floor while they nap or play upstairs and then switch since he cannot be around the dust and such while it is being disturbed.



Wednesday

Ha! This day was a joke!!! We woke with every intention to send T to school. He stayed home Tuesday bc he seemed really tired and cranky and I figured one more day would set it straight. Well, the boys woke each other up (G slept in his own bed since he did not appear to be vomiting) at 6:30 am. They came waddling into our room proclaiming "good morning" simultaneously. I wanted to hit the mute button bc I was def not ready to get out of bed. I have not been sleeping well this week (and neither had Caden-why I dont know -what happened to my sleeping thru the nite baby this week?! We went from 0 wake up calls to 2 in the mid of the nite this week). When G approached my side of the bed I went to kiss him and immediately stalled. His nose was bleeding! I hadnt heard him say ouch when he woke. What happened? I asked Triston if he had bumped himself getting out of bed. He told us no. I had kleenux next to my bed so I started tending to it. It wouldnt stop. And if his platelets had by any chance dropped dramatically since Monday it was NOT going to stop. My body remained calm but my mind was racing. What if it didnt stop?! After about ten to fifteen min it stopped. We seemed in the clear. He went to play trains while T got dressed. I brought up their milks and bananas for them to eat in our bed and watch tv while I monitored G's nose and dressed myself. I had intentions to run to the bank and post office so I had to look somewhat presentable.

A few times I would turn and see the nose bleeding again. It was his cold. The runny nose boogers were causing moisture and blood to travel even when it appeared to stop. But I could see it was actual trying to clot bc the blood was darker and thicker (good news considering he has clotting issues as well). This was a game, too bc I couldnt do anything to make G upset or his crying and the boogers would start it all up again. From beginning to end it took about 30 min to get it all under control. Everyone was finally dressed and ready to head downstairs to start the walk to school. All of a sudden T looks at me and says "I think I am gonna throw up", and he did! At least he made it to the toilet! No school again!



By then I was irritated that the day's plans were shifted. But I figured we all feel 110% better the first 30 min after a throw up so now was the time to dash to the bank n post office. They were both drive thru service so the only thing I really had to worry about was a bloody nose or vomit in the van. No big deal, right? I crossed my fingers. We were there and back in 20 minutes and that included a stop at Mcds drive thru for some hot cakes.I had decided I deserved them after the morning we had already encountered!



T was absolutely fine the rest of the day. Other than the cough that had significantly improved since Monday there was no reason he should not have attended school. I really think the reason he threw up was bc he woofed down that breakfast. He was so eager to get to school he just would not slow down. G's bloody nose never returned that day-thank goodness! We read books, watched movies and stomped out a bunch of cat fights between the two of them almost all day long. It was a pretty frustrating day and I couldnt wait for it to be over. I felt like I was on edge all the way up until bedtime and even then I didnt have our bed to ourselves. Two boys snuck in w I love yous and pretty pleases at 4 am! How could I say no?



Thursday

T finally went back to school! He needed it and I needed it. He really needed to get back into his routine and I prayed he would not regress in separating from me at drop off. He did great and I even received a nice note from his teacher saying he sailed thru the day without missing a beat. I was proud of him considering he had missed 5 days of school, 7 if you count the weekend.



Mamac and Titamel informed me last night they wanted to visit this morning. I decided it was a good idea for me to tackle the courthouse for Caden's birth certificate while they stayed w G. I was going to take Caden w me bc I feel like I really dont get alone time w him. So much of my time is devoted to G. But when I left to take T to school (and G threw a fit to join me) Caden had fallen asleep in my absence. I just left him home to take his 3 hour nap in peace.



So off I went to the Skokie courthouse by my lonesome. I kept checking behind me at stoplights to see how w kid was doing..forgetting none were there. I hated that feeling. I truly felt lonely. I stopped by Sears to check on a battery for the truck and they wanted to rip me off so I walked out. Then I happened to be approaching Jerry's Fruit Market up ahead and debated whether I should brave it or not. I hate that place and even more so w kids in tow. I knew it would be stupid of me to pass up the chance to be run over by shopping carts and rude strangers w out my lil army of bodyguards. I pulled in to their crazy lot and hit up the store in less than 20 min. It was a record!



The rest of the day was full of crabbies for G. By the time I arrived home at 11 ish he was so tired. It was one fit after another and I had to force the nap. He did not settle down (and I mean settle down emotionally from crying fits that were over what appeared to be over nothing at all) til 1 ish which left for a tiny hour long nap before I had to wake him to go get Triston. He woke fine bc he heard Caden. He gets so excited to get T from school. But once we returned home the tantrums returned.

He truly does not know what he wants during these fits. And if he does it is over things that are not feasible or of our rules. I will not baby him. And it is hard enough trying to keep those rules when T has to follow them, too. I cant let G have and T not. It is getting much more difficult w these mood swings and his indecisiveness. And I feel so bad bc he truly cant tell you what he wants. NOT bc of his language (that is still totally age appropriate and clear as day). It is bc he DOES NOT know what he wants. He flutters from one thing to the next. Like his mind is on overload. One minute he is luvin you and the next throwing toys across the room. I stoppped counting how many times a toy has intentionally been whipped at T's head. I am sure T could tell you how many times he has been the punching bag. And yet, just as before cancer, he doesnt hit him back. He just tells me and I mediate. Thank you, T!! G has even resorted to full on swings toward daddy and I. He gets angry. An anger I have never seen in my guy. It breaks my heart bc I know he cant control the frustration and impatience levels. All I can do is try and make it better without giving into him discipline-wise.Its a struggle everyday. I cant imagine how that struggle plays out in his own head and body. Maybe I dont want to know.